


Are you staying?

by hydeing



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Childhood Friends, Light Angst, Love, M/M, No Beta, POV Uchiha Sasuke, Sad, Uchiha Sasuke-centric
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:14:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27785086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hydeing/pseuds/hydeing
Summary: Sometimes, he thought, when it was late at night and no message came, that the last time was final, no message would ever come again. Naruto didn’t need him anymore. And he’d tell himself that it was fine, it was about time for them to stop depending so much on each other. He couldn’t do this anymore. He was tired of his heartstrings being tugged at so violently. But then the phone would buzz again, and he’d know Naruto still needed him. And the relief that would flood him was enormous, because Sasuke needed him as well. So, he went, like he always did.
Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 6
Kudos: 50





	1. Are you staying?

Sasuke’s apartment was completely silent when his phone buzzed with a new message. The device rapped against the smooth surface of his kitchen counter, startling him. The sound was harsh in the quiet of the night.

_‘Hey. You up?’_

He could ignore it. It was late, so he could as well be asleep, but he knew that Naruto was already there. He was standing in front of his apartment building and could see the lights in the living room. And it’s not like he could ever ignore Naruto. So, he responded:

_‘Will be down in 5.’_

Then, putting on his coat and shoes he made sure that he had everything with him. _Wallet, phone, keys,_ he thought patting his pockets. He was going through the motions almost automatically by now. How many times had he gotten a message like that? Sometimes, he thought, when it was late at night and no message came, that the last time was final, no message would ever come again. Naruto didn’t need him anymore. And he’d tell himself that it was fine, it was about time for them to stop depending so much on each other. He couldn’t do this anymore. He was tired of his heartstrings being tugged at so violently. But then the phone would buzz again, and he’d know Naruto still needed him. And the relief that would flood him was enormous, because Sasuke needed him as well. So, he went, like he always did. He went downstairs to see him, like an addict, desperate for another fix. What else would he do, it’s not like he was busy anyway.

As soon as he opened the door he was met with the sight of Naruto. It was cold, so he was wearing his favourite dark green puffer jacket and an orange beanie, jumping in place to warm himself up. Sasuke could see clouds of air coming out of his mouth, and it sent a shiver down his spine. He took a few steps towards him, hands deep in his coat pockets and just looked. Naruto grinned, his hand going to the back of his head, scratching at the nape. 

“It’s cold as balls, isn’t it?”

Naruto was a beautiful train wreck of a man and he could never get enough of looking at him. He seemed fine at first look. Nothing out of the ordinary. His dirty blonde hair was coming out of the beanie in all directions. He clearly put it on haphazardly, like an afterthought, knowing that Sasuke would scold him for not wearing one. The hair was longer than usual, but still not long enough to cover his eyes. His kind and honest eyes. But that’s not all they were. There was sadness in those depths, like a whirlpool, sucking in everyone who managed to spot it. And once someone did, it was very rare to come out unscathed. Sasuke often wondered, if all those people that came in and out of Naruto’s life – have they seen it? Is that why they were no longer there? Was Sasuke the only one who saw it and actually managed to keep himself afloat? Maybe it was because his eyes reflected a similar thing, so he knew what to do. Which way to swim. Or maybe, he had already drowned and was just good at convincing himself that he was still alive?

With the second look, it was easy to notice his rigid posture and tired lines marring his features, but barely anyone bothered. For many he was pretty and bubbly and nice and that was all that mattered. For Sasuke, however, studying the man was like breathing. Naruto’s lips were dry and chapped, probably from the cold and licking them too much. It was a nervous habit of his. He looked a little bit lost standing there, shuffling his feet, not exactly looking at Sasuke. It often felt like Naruto just got lost from time to time, like a traveller with a broken compass coming to Sasuke for help. Believing he was the only one who could fix it for him.

Sasuke stayed silent, persistently so, and Naruto opened his mouth. Saying the words he always did whenever he came to see him at such late hour.

“Ramen?” Sasuke nodded and let himself be led, even though he could get there with his eyes closed.

They walked without saying anything. The moon was high up – it was full and bright, illuminating Naruto’s face. The sight made Sasuke’s breath catch in his throat.

There was a single streetlamp by a notice board on the corner where they were supposed to turn. It wasn’t enough light to see what was besides that corner; all pitch black. It used to terrify him, not knowing what was hiding in the dark. It reminded him of long maze-like corridors when he was first brought in – so different from the ones in his family home. It was before he met Naruto, and everything at that place seemed strange and unfamiliar. He should be fine now; these days were way past him. Even so, it did make his heart pick up the pace. Naruto grabbed his hand, because _he knew,_ and they took the turn together. It was the same road they walked so many times now, nothing unexpected jumped out at them. There was another streetlamp there, although far away, so they had to walk in complete darkness for a while. That’s when Naruto chose to say something again:

“Iruka called,” he started. “He said you haven’t been answering his calls.”

“I was busy.” It was partially true; they had a busy season at work, but not to the point where he wasn’t able to take a call.

“Hmmm...” It felt like Naruto was debating whether to prod further or let the matter go. Sasuke squeezed his hand and hoped for the latter. “Come with me to dinner on Sunday. He would be so happy to see you.”

Sasuke would be happy to see Iruka too, he missed him. The only reason he didn’t answer was he wasn’t sure what to say. How was Sasuke feeling exactly? Was he doing alright? He didn’t know the answers to the seemingly simplest of questions.

“I’ll see.”

“Cool, I’ll pick you up at four.” He knew there was no discussion with Naruto. He was going to be in front of his apartment at four on Sunday and drag him, kicking and screaming if he had to. They walked into the light and Naruto let go of his hand, leaving it colder than it was before. Sasuke cleared his throat.

“How is your... whatever his name?” 

“His name is Gaara.” Naruto shrugged. “It’s fine, you know how it is.” That meant it was not fine. His heart broke for Naruto, but he also couldn’t help feeling relieved. He was an awful friend.

“I don’t.” Sasuke didn’t know. He didn’t let anyone get close but Naruto. “Why don’t you tell me?” The man let out an exasperated laugh. 

“I forgot how difficult you like to be sometimes.”

This time it was Sasuke’s turn to shrug. He looked at Naruto, waiting.

“Ugh, okay,” he said. “Apparently, I have difficulty realising what I truly want. But when I finally do, Gaara is sure it will not align with what he wants.”

“Naruto, I’m...” Naruto put his hand up to stop him.

“As I said, it’s fine, really. Don’t worry about it.”

They didn’t say anything else as they approached the ramen shop. As soon as they stepped inside, they were hit with a wave of warmth and strong smell of ramen broth. Naruto rubbed his hands together, his eyes crinkling with excitement; like a child almost.

“Old man Teuchi!” He waved at the owner. “Two miso ramen, please!”

They sat down, opposite each other. Naruto took off his jacket and hat, not bothering to tame his unruly locks, and stuffed it on the chair next to him. Just as he always did. Sasuke, on the other hand, took off his coat and hung it on the back of the chair, straightening out the sleeves. His hands were cold, so he started blowing air at them in hopes of warming up. Seeing that, Naruto took Sasuke’s hands in his again and tried to warm them up for him.

“I’m sorry, I know how bad you are at retaining heat.” He smiled and looked at Sasuke. It was so sincere, so open that Sasuke wanted to say something. The words were clear in his head and on the tip of his tongue he could almost taste them.

‘ _I love you._ ’

And if something didn’t stop him, he would say them. It was late and his defences were lowered, making him vulnerable. He was about to open his mouth, but Teuchi came up to them, two steaming bowls of ramen in each hand and Naruto let go of his. Saved at the last minute.

“Ah yes! The thing I’ve been dreaming about for ages!”

The man only shook his head. “You were here last week, Naruto.”

“Exactly, ages ago!” He said matter-of-factly.

The words were now at the back of his throat and in a second they were gone. He wanted to say them, desperately so, but it was not what Naruto needed right now. But maybe someday, Sasuke hoped, it would be exactly what Naruto needed. For now, he had to focus on swallowing the food and listen to Naruto prattle about what he’s been up to recently. His throat felt like there was something lodged inside. 

“Things are good!” He exclaimed. His lips were shiny from the broth. “We’re preparing a Christmas spectacle with the kids and it’s so much fun! You should come see.”

Sasuke only nodded, knowing very well he would never put his foot inside that place again. He was sure Naruto knew it as well, but still hoped to see him there. Naruto has finished his food and looked like he was about to order another serving.

“Here.” He slid his bowl towards him. It was barely touched. “Finish mine, I’m full already.” The blonde only beamed at him and grabbed the dish. 

After he was done, they paid and went back to Sasuke’s. Sasuke was opening the apartment building’s doors when he noticed that Naruto was hanging a few steps back. It was time for their usual dance.

“Are you staying?”

“I don’t have any change of clothes.” He always said that like it was ever an issue. How often had they shared clothes when they were kids?

“You’ll just grab something of mine.” Sasuke shrugged and opened the door inviting him inside. The gesture reminded him of a servant opening the doors for his master. And maybe that was true in their case. Sometimes Sasuke felt enslaved to that beautiful man but didn’t feel it necessary to break the chains. They belonged to each other, one way or another. Naruto entered the building, scrunching his face. “Aw, but your clothes are all dark colours,” he almost whined. Then threw him a look. “It wouldn’t hurt you to brighten it up a bit.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes. “And it wouldn’t hurt you to tone it down a bit.” How many times have they had that conversation? 

The elevator dinged and soon, they were inside Sasuke’s apartment. It was a small, modest place – living room, bedroom, a small kitchen, and a small balcony looking towards the city centre. They could see an ocean of lights, bright on the horizon. 

“Tea?” Sasuke asked, shrugging off his coat. Naruto nodded, doing the same. Then, he sat down by the kitchen counter and soon Sasuke served him a cup of green tea.

“Thanks for letting me stay.” He took a careful sip. “You’re too good to me.”

The way Sasuke shook his head was almost invisible. How could he explain to Naruto that letting him stay was caused by his own selfish need to be close to him as long as possible? If anything, Naruto was too good to him; always has been. He managed to fend off the darkness whenever it was threatening to swallow him whole. The man took another sip and chuckled. Sasuke looked at him in question.

“Remember how Iruka used to make us tea before sleep?” He pouted. “He would put honey in mine, though.”

Sasuke huffed, pretending to be annoyed, but grabbed the honey out of the cupboard and put some in Naruto’s tea. He mixed the liquid with a quick flick of his wrist. 

Naruto tried the drink. “Oh, so much better!”

They finished their tea in silence and Naruto grabbed the cups to clean them. He knew his way around Sasuke’s kitchen very well. Naruto passed him the cup when he noticed Sasuke standing there with a kitchen towel, ready to dry. Their fingers touched and a jolt of electricity passed between them, making them jump up. Naruto quickly took his hand back and chuckled:

“I’m electrifying, aren’t I?”

 _Yes, you are,_ Sasuke thought.

Then for a second there, Naruto looked like he wanted to add something else. The intensity of his eyes boring into his own made Sasuke’s skin break out in goosebumps. Naruto opened his mouth slightly, but nothing came out. He only shook his head as if to reprimand himself and got back to washing the other cup. 

When they finished, they moved towards the bedroom. It was very Sasuke-like – dark grey walls, a double bed with navy sheets, two bedside tables on each side, and a spacious closet. There was a small lamp and a stack of books on the table on the left. That’s where Sasuke slept. Even if he was all alone in bed, he always only took up one side. Subconsciously leaving enough space for another person, used to doing that most of his life. Wishing there was another person with him in this bed. 

“I guess, I’ll take the couch...?” Naruto trailed off, standing in the entrance, but not actually coming inside. Sasuke threw a pair of sweatpants at him. They were grey, the brightest colour he had.

“Don’t be an idiot, change and come to bed.”

Sasuke let him in his bed and it was nothing unusual, because it was Naruto and Sasuke knew Naruto from the inside out just like Naruto knew him. Besides, that was what he has always done, ever since they were little. He let Naruto fill in even the smallest of spaces he had to offer. Still, Naruto hated to be presumptuous, pretending that he’s going to take the couch as if Sasuke would deny him anything. Never. Naruto, same as him, hated sleeping alone.

They laid down, on their sides, face to face. And it was like they were seven years old again in a small single bed underneath a duvet too thin for comfort. It was dark and there were other children around them, in similar beds, all alone in this world. Sasuke at least had Naruto. Someone was sniffling and the wind was whistling through the gaps in the old windows. 

“Sasuke,” Naruto whispered. Sasuke always found it shocking how blue his eyes were, like a clear sky on a sunny day. He could always make out their colour, even in the complete dark. “Sometimes when I come here, I think: ‘This is where he draws the line. He’s going to turn me away.’ Yet you never do.”

Sasuke scrunched his brows. “Why would I? You’re my best friend.”

The shadow that passed Naruto’s face at his words was something he didn’t think he'd ever seen before. He was going to add something, but Naruto beat him to it.

“You’re right. And you’re mine. We’ll be together forever, no matter what.” It was a promise they made a long, long time ago. When the nights were particularly cold and lonely. They had each other and it always put him at ease. Why didn’t it work this time then? 

A stray piece of hair fell on Naruto’s face and Sasuke reached out to swipe it away, touching the blonde on his own volition for the first time this evening. Naruto closed his eyes slightly and let out a small breath. Sasuke drew his hand back.

“Goodnight Naruto.”

“Goodnight Sasuke.”


	2. I need to leave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year! We all had a tough year, so I hope this one is a bit better.

Naruto was gone by the morning as usual. When Sasuke woke up, the other side of the bed was already cold to the touch. Naruto was gone and everything was so peaceful and quiet and so lonely. More than normal. Sasuke could never get used to that feeling. In the orphanage, they were always surrounded by others. Someone was always yelling, fighting, _laughing_. The definition of your own space didn’t exist in that place, so now that he lived alone the emptiness screamed at him – louder than he could handle sometimes. 

Sasuke leaned back in his chair, looking at the artificial lights of the office ceiling. They were blindingly white and harsh; their light making his eyes water. He shivered. The air-conditioning in here was always set to too low. No matter how many times he’s asked.

He was six when they brought him in. To be ripped out of the safety of his own home, his own family, was extremely difficult for Sasuke. He remembered being completely lost the first few days and refusing to eat. He was terrified. Things didn’t smell like his family home, his mother nowhere in sight to caress his hair and make him a snack. His room where he would play with his toys was gone, replaced by one huge hall where all the children slept. His brother would never join him to play again. His brother... he did have an older brother. He remembered a slightly taller figure with their back always turned to Sasuke. Always slightly out of reach. 

_“I’m sorry, Sasuke”_

Whatever happened to him? What exactly happened to his family? Did he know that and was just refusing to remember?

He would stay away from other kids and keep to himself. He would also persistently refuse to meet the gaze of a small blonde boy, around his age. Everything in that boy screamed with the need to make his acquaintance. 

Sasuke woke up one night, because of a bad dream. He was often plagued with nightmares, and usually when that happened, he would go to his parents’ bedroom and sleep with them. He got up and tiptoed outside the room, still in that sleepy haze and slightly disoriented. The corridor was wide and tall, and he could barely see anything in the darkness of the night. It smelled dusty like an old church, not sweet and fresh like in his home. Feeling his heartbeat pickup, he swallowed thickly and willed himself to move anyway, to find his parents’ bedroom. He was sure they were somewhere close. They had to be. Sasuke took a turn after turn, but the corridor just seemed to stretch even wider and taller, like an endless tunnel with no chance to escape and no white bedroom door in sight. He slowly allowed the reality to seep in, filling his veins with ice. Sasuke just really wanted to _see_ his mother and be comforted by her warm smile, but she was nowhere to be found. Sliding along the wall, he could feel his eyes sting with hot tears. He sat down, helpless, his hands quickly covering his face and rubbing furiously. He didn’t want to cry. He took a few shaky breaths, but soon the tears came sliding along his cheeks, a burning trail across his white skin. His small shoulders started shaking with quiet sobs. Sasuke wasn’t sure how long had passed when someone placed a hand on his shoulder. He jumped up and looked at the intruder with a scowl, wetness blurring his vision. He could barely make out a shock of blond hair and a friendly smile. 

“They don’t like us wandering the corridors in the middle of the night,” a young boy said and offered Sasuke a hand. Like a lifeline. “Let’s go back to bed.”

Sasuke decided to take it.

The boy led him back to the sleeping hall, his small hand surprisingly hot in his cold one. When they got back, instead of letting him go back to his bed, the boy brought him to a small bed on the opposite end of where Sasuke’s was. He got into the bed scooting a bit to make room for Sasuke.

“Come on, it’ll be nicer to sleep together.” He patted the thin mattress.

Sasuke didn’t say anything and just got into the bed, shivering a bit.

“You’re Sasuke, right?” The boy whispered and sent him a friendly smile. “I’m Naruto. Nice to meet you.” 

Sasuke only grabbed the boy’s hand again and clutched for dear life.

From that night, they were inseparable – one would not go anywhere without the other. They ate together, they went to class together and they slept in the same bed together. At first teachers tried to explain to them _that everyone should sleep in their own bed_ , but they didn’t listen. Seeing as it wasn’t actually harming anyone and the boys seemed happier when they were together, everyone decided to accept that fact and not bother them anymore. From now on they were always known as _Naruto and Sasuke_.

A few days later, Sasuke found out that by the time they brought him in, Naruto was already a long time resident there. He was left on the steps of the orphanage when he was a new-born and the children’s home was all Naruto has ever known. The kids there, the teachers – they were his family. And from that day he was also Sasuke’s. And Sasuke hasn’t cried even once since then.

“Sasuke-san, have you finished this week’s report?” A woman’s voice coming from behind him, brought him out of his memories. He jumped up and turned to be greeted by one of his co-workers – Sakura. She was a nice girl with a friendly smile. 

“Uhhh...” He said, thumbing through documents laid out on his desk. _Where was it?_ He thought, shuffling the papers around frantically. “Yeah, just give me a sec, it’s somewhere here.”

She put a hand on his back and his shoulders tensed fractionally. The weight of the hand on his shoulder felt wrong. It didn’t ground him.

“It’s fine, we still have time. Could you just bring it to me by the end of the day?”

He only nodded and the woman went back to her desk, the clicking of her heels coming from further and further away. Sasuke sat up straighter and exhaled. He started shuffling the papers again, this time more methodically. It was no time for going down the memory lane.

*

He hasn’t heard from Naruto until four in the afternoon on Sunday. Actually, he didn’t hear anything from him until way past four. Naruto was late. He was almost always late, so Sasuke should’ve expected that, but it didn’t stop him from feeling the surge of irritation. He was already standing outside, waiting for him. Clenching his jaw, he sent him a message:

‘ _Where are you?_ ’

‘ _Sorry, there’s this new cat in my neighbourhood and had to feed him. omw!_ ’

Sasuke rolled his eyes, but he could feel his temper fade a little. That was so typical of Naruto. He could never walk past anyone in need. Even a random cat. Naruto had so much love in him and he had to share it with the others, otherwise it would just come spilling out. Sometimes with dire consequences for him and those around him. 

Not long after their exchange, Naruto’s car came into view. He waved at Sasuke and smiled apologetically.

“I’m sorry!” He said, when Sasuke got in. “I realised we would probably come back late, and I usually feed him in the evening!”

“It’s alright.” Sasuke shrugged. “I should’ve known that you would find some poor creature to take care of.”

“Of course.” Naruto chuckled, driving out onto the road. “We strays need to stick together, don’t we?” He said and sent Sasuke a wink.

Something squeezed painfully inside Sasuke’s chest. He didn’t say anything, opting to study Naruto’s profile instead. His eyebrows were drawn in, focusing on the road ahead. He looked better than the last time Sasuke saw him. He didn’t look as exhausted and shadows underneath his eyes were much smaller. His shoulders were more relaxed as well. That settled something inside Sasuke – he was worried that Naruto wasn’t taking proper care of himself. 

“Hey, have I told you what Konohamaru did recently?” He glanced at Sasuke and when he saw that he was shaking his head, he continued: “I swear that boy will be the death of me!”

Sasuke smirked. He’s heard a lot about Konohamaru. He was a scrawny nine-year-old that loved to mess with the teachers – especially with Naruto. He painfully reminded Sasuke of someone.

“Ok, listen to this,” he started. “You know that we’re preparing the spectacle, right? That boy went ahead and painted all of the props. Which would be nice if they weren’t all purple! Also, he painted a mustache on the baby Jesus and Mary!”

Sasuke snorted and Naruto followed. 

“That reminds me of a time when you painted the bust of headmaster Anko and put a clown wig on it.”

“Hey! That is nothing compared to what he did!”

“Yeah, I’m sure Iruka would agree.”

“Pffft!” Naruto shook his head. “Anyway, baby Jesus with a mustache was hilarious, but I still had to punish him.”

“What does he have to do?”

“He’s cleaning the handles in all of the doors of the orphanage. With his toothbrush.”

“That’s just evil.” Naruto shrugged.

“He’s getting a new one! Besides, you learn a thing or two being around those kids.”

“Yeah or being one of those kids.” Sasuke arched a brow.

“Heh, touché.”

They parked in front of Iruka’s house. The man came out to greet them, standing on his front porch with the usual friendly smile. When they got close, he grabbed Sasuke by the shoulders and looked at his face intently. Sasuke shuffled his feet, unsure if he should try escaping his grip. The man must’ve felt he was planning something, because he gave his shoulders a little squeeze. Not much, just enough to let Sasuke know that it’s not going to pass. Iruka knew him too well. 

“Sasuke, it’s been so long! Are you eating enough?” Iruka fussed. He always fussed and Sasuke couldn’t handle it most of the time. Iruka was just... so kind. Always has been and Sasuke didn’t accept kindness easily. Never had. Or at least since he’s lost his family. It felt like something foreign to him, like he didn’t deserve it. He should be managing on his own. Iruka hugged him, quickly. Sasuke didn’t know how to reciprocate. Never did. “I missed you!”

Sasuke opened his mouth, but no sound came. He wanted to tell the man he missed him too. He huffed, annoyed, his eyes stinging. Why was everything so hard? He cleared his throat and started blinking repeatedly.

“Hey, what about me?!” Naruto interrupted and Sasuke silently thanked him.

“Yes, yes Naruto. I missed you too,” Iruka said, patting him on the shoulder, but still looking at Sasuke with his eyebrows scrunched. Was that pity in his eyes?

“Wow, I see how it is!” He said, feigning hurt. “I’ll remember that when I’m buying you presents!”

With that he barrelled into the house, not waiting for either of them.

“I guess we should follow him, huh?” the man said, smiling at Sasuke. “Come on, I made your favourite.”

Sasuke swallowed thickly and forced a small smile, letting Iruka usher him inside.

When they finally sat down, he let himself have a good look at the older man while he was putting rice balls on the plates. He hasn’t changed much since their days at the orphanage. He still had his hair up in a ponytail and a friendly, albeit a bit touched by the passage of time, face. He was never very tall, but it seemed more visible now that Sasuke was all grown up and towering over the man. It was completely different from when he was a child and could barely reach the man’s hip. Iruka also seemed a bit frailer, his shoulders more narrowed and slumped, moving a bit slower. Nevertheless, he was still Iruka, the man that raised them – still reliable, still worried, still doting like a loving parent. He joined as a teacher not long after Sasuke. He really cared about the kids he worked with and hoped to make a change and help at least a few of them. One of the lucky ones were Naruto and Sasuke. They made an impression rather quickly, all thanks to Naruto. He put a fake spider in one of the desk drawers so when the teacher went to grab something from the desk he was met with the fuzzy creature. As it turned out Iruka was deathly afraid of spiders and had to leave the classroom to calm down. Naruto got the longest lecture he’s ever gotten in his entire life. After that, he kept pulling various pranks on the man, sometimes involving Sasuke. And Iruka went along with it and got mad at them and yelled at Naruto and somehow, they all bonded together. Sasuke often wondered if Naruto was the only reason Iruka took an interest in him as well. 

Iruka was also the one who inspired Naruto to become a teacher and start working at the orphanage. Without his encouragement they both wouldn’t have even been able to finish university. Sasuke owed him a lot and wasn’t sure he would ever be able to truly repay him for that.

The smell of fish and tomatoes hit his nose when Iruka put a plate in front of him. He bowed slightly in thanks and Iruka answered by rubbing his back. Then he moved to Naruto, messing his hair a little bit when the blonde scrunched his nose at the sight of fresh vegetables adorning his plate.

“You have to eat healthy things from time to time, Naruto,” said Iruka. “And I know your fridge has never seen anything remotely green except maybe some mould.”

“Well, I don’t have a cooking buddy anymore, so why bother when cup ramen is perfectly good!” He grinned at the man. Realising what he said, he quickly looked at Sasuke about to say something, but Sasuke refused to meet his gaze. Instead, he just stuffed his face with rice, trying not to remember many a time when they cooked together. How good it felt to have someone to cook for.

“It’s really good,” Sasuke said after swallowing hastily. He winced at the pain in his throat. “Thanks again for having us.”

Iruka only shook his head and sat down opposite both of them.

“It’s always a pleasure, my boys. It’s been so long since I had you both at dinner!”

The rest of the evening went fine. Iruka wanted to know everything that has been going on in their lives, always very interested in how they were doing. Sasuke didn’t have that much to tell. Work was fine, nothing special, a bit busy, he said shrugging. “I’m okay,” he then said, sitting back and taking a sip of coffee that they had after eating. Iruka looked at him for a second longer than necessary as if he wanted to ask something, prod at him, but decided against it, shifting his attention to Naruto. Sasuke was grateful for his mercy. The rest of the night, it was Naruto telling them different stories about his kids, who he has met and basically everything he had found interesting and worth sharing. The fireplace was on, crinkling good naturedly when they moved to the living room to sit on the couch. Sasuke’s face had a faint blush from the warmth and his knee would often bump with Naruto’s. His eyes haven’t left the man much, studying his hand movements, his expression and occasionally nodding when their gazes met and everything seemed to screech to a halt. Naruto would then stop mid-sentence, grin at him, scratch the back of his head and continue his story. Iruka would laugh from time to time at whatever the blonde said and everything was good. If only they could stay like this forever.

“Why don’t you visit me next week?” Iruka asked Sasuke while passing him his coat. It was late and they had work the next day. Naruto was already outside, waiting for him. “We could talk then.”

Sasuke only nodded, seeing the expression on Iruka’s face. It was warm, but also hard. There was no place for refusal.

*

The car stopped in front of Sasuke’s place. He was about to thank Naruto and get out when the blonde stopped him:

“Hey, want to go for a walk? It’s not that cold tonight.”

“Uhm. Sure.”

They went the opposite way to the ramen shop this time, towards the park. No one said anything while they passed the gate. It snowed most of the day, so everything around them was white, bathed in the orange glow of the streetlamps. There was no wind, everything dead quiet, the only sound coming from the snow crunching underneath their boots. Sasuke inhaled and the cold crisp air stung at his nose and lungs like a thousand needles. There was nobody there - no people, no cars, no animals - just them. It was as if everything had stopped, someone pressing the pause button on the videotape player. They passed a bench covered in the soft fluffy snow, and Sasuke fought the urge to run his hand through it. It wouldn’t actually be soft when he touched it, only cold and would melt right away, leaving only disappointment. He stuffed his hands deep in his coat pockets and looked up at the black sky. Nights always made him think of how endless the universe is and how alone he truly felt. The stars stretched over the vast blackness, shimmering, looking like an expertly crafted net that someone cast. They looked so small from far away. Sasuke heard somewhere that the stars people often see are already gone. Gone, dead and forgotten, with only their image left to look at. The image had to travel thousands if not millions of light years to reach the earth so that Sasuke was able to see them in this moment, with the most important person at his side. He closed his eyes trying to record this sight, so that even when there’s no image left in the sky and the stars are truly dead, even for him, he could at least remember. Remember he was here with Naruto surrounded by the most beautiful sight and nothing mattered. Everything was quiet and it was just the two of them. Sasuke looked at his best friend and stopped. Naruto followed and smiled at Sasuke, making him feel warm inside.

“Thank you, Sasuke.”

“What for?” He frowned.

“If it wasn’t for you I’d be so lost. I’m so glad I have you in my life.”

There was a slight blush on Naruto’s face despite the cold. He took a step towards Sasuke, their faces now almost inches apart. There were a few stray freckles on his nose, making him suddenly appear much younger. Why did Sasuke never notice those? He thought he’d have every single millimeter of Naruto’s face all mapped out by now.

“Nonsense.” Sasuke shook his head. “I think it’s the other way around. You were the one who found me when I was literally lost, remember? That night at the orphanage?”

The last sentence was whispered in the quiet of the night, almost like a secret just between the two of them. 

“I remember,” Naruto breathed out. “And I’m so glad I did.”

Just one single step. That’s all it would take for Sasuke to get into Naruto’s personal space. And for a single second Naruto looked like he wouldn’t mind at all. Sasuke’s breath caught in his throat as he was about to move closer, looking intently into his eyes, wondering whose remains did the rushing current carry this time. Would it finally be Sasuke’s?

Naruto cleared his throat breaking the spell Sasuke was under. They both took a step back. The cold air rushing back in, leaching itself back and deep into Sasuke's bones. They began walking again.

“Listen,” Naruto started, looking somewhere to the side. “I’m sorry about what I said during dinner.”

Sasuke could pretend he didn’t know what he was talking about. The thing was, he was in no mood for games. 

“It’s fine.” He shrugged. “You were the one who wanted to move out.” 

They lived together after they left the orphanage. It was good that way, safe. Sasuke thought he had home with Naruto. But maybe that wasn’t enough for the blonde.

“Yeah…” He let out a puff of air. “I really thought Neji and I had something real at the time.”

Naruto always surrounded himself with new people, kept finding them to fill the void, and they came and then left, no one staying long enough. He desperately sought them out, trying to find someone who could drown out the sorrow and loneliness he was feeling. Completely ignoring the fact that Sasuke was always there. And still is, after almost two decades. It suddenly left a bitter taste in his mouth.

“Yeah...” Sasuke mimicked. “You always think that.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Ugh, nothing. Forget I said anything,” Sasuke said, shaking his head.

“No,” Naruto huffed. “You clearly have something to say, so say it.”

“It’s just...” Sasuke paused. “How many people have stumbled into your life by now?”

Naruto opened his mouth to retort, but Sasuke beat him to it:

“And where are they now?” 

“Well, for-fucking-give me,” Naruto hissed, crossing his arms over his chest. “For trying to find someone to share my life with and not wanting to just be alone forever!”

The words cut harsher than he expected, taking away his ability to breathe for a second. He felt as if he swallowed broken glass and one of the shards wedged itself into his heart. And then Sasuke knew. He stopped abruptly and turned to Naruto. The man looked at him breathing harshly - his face contorted with anger, jaw clenched and cheeks slightly pink. He was standing only a few feet from Sasuke, but suddenly it felt like he was far, far away from him, just like those bright stars he was just looking at. Was the image of the two of them all that was left?

“Naruto...” Sasuke took a big breath and closed his eyes lightly when letting it out. His hands were shaking. He felt almost shocked at the words that stumbled out of his mouth:

“We can’t be friends anymore.”

  
  
  



End file.
